Today I Learned

I like to think I have my online feeds under control, or “curated”, but I’ve come to realize that’s clearly a fantasy. Now that AI is among us, the rapidity with which my news feeds adjust to my online presence is somewhat – concerning. It used to be that if I looked something up on my phone, it was at least a couple of days until I started seeing related ads and information, which would come in only on my phone and not on my other devices. Now that we have AI, though, boy howdy. (That’s Midwestern-speak for “I don’t know what’s going on or how to stop it so I’m just going to hang on.”)

It’s become clear that AI is the Overlord of Information Across the Universe of All Devices. I don’t know how this happened but it doesn’t matter what device I use, whether it’s my laptop, phone, or Kindle, the feeds are coordinated across all my devices. I can’t escape by using one device for catching up on actual news and another for shopping. I only have to have a passing electronically-phrased curiosity about something to get AI’s attention, and the floodgates are opened. Although my passing curiosity is addressed via some sort of electronic device, lately I’ve had the nagging thought that something more is going on. Let me explain:

I like looking at online photos of the late 1950s and early 1960s, a time when I was in elementary school. It’s interesting from a historical perspective, right? I like seeing the 1950s homes and gadgets, and the truly funky cars. Keeping in mind that this was the era of the Cold War, when people were building backyard bomb shelters, AI also sent photos of six and seven year olds practicing hiding under desks and lining up in the hallway against the wall with their coats over their heads. I hadn’t looked up that specific subject, but I did have a phobia about atomic fallout for a long time.

AI went on to assume I needed to know how to save myself in other situations and started sending information on things like stop-drop-and-roll. I think most of us have some sort of subliminal fear, lurking in the back of our mind, that we’re substantially unlikely to encounter in the regular course of our lives. Mine has always been getting stuck in quicksand – don’t laugh. As I don’t go outside much, the chances of me getting into quicksand are really pretty minimal. It’s only a rare passing thought, and I have never, ever, looked up how to save myself from quicksand.

Guess what turned up in my feed this week? Yep, how to get out of quicksand. I admit it, I was very interested and I watched a video, which was a massive mistake. Do you know how many videos of saving yourself from quicksand are online? Dozens. They still haven’t stopped, but I have the routine pretty well in mind at this point. AI, bless its cold little electronic heart, wasn’t satisfied with just saving me from quicksand. I’m now getting videos and other information on things like how to avoid monster tree snakes dropping on me while I’m avoiding said quicksand, and also which tree to climb to escape the crocodile going after the tree snake that is now on the ground. While this is all good stuff to know, apparently AI assumes I live in a jungle, which I do not.

You’ll have to excuse me now, I need to go finish my tin foil hat.